Flu Shmu

Been sick with the FLU, hence my lack of posts.

Before I got sick, I saw the Cult of Beauty exhibit at the Legion of Honor. While I am sick, I catch up on Dexter and watch It's Complicated for the 40th time. After I'm sick, I better get that vacation I've been planning...

A Sky Full of Thoughts

Some days are more thoughtful than others. I think this is true. In this case "thoughtful" doesn't mean "kind" or "sweet." I'm not speaking of days where we consciously behave with the interest of other beings in mind (although those days are equally precious). I'm being literal here. Days when we are Full. Of Thought.



Thoughts are complicated. What does she think of me? What is he thinking? Are my thoughts stupid? Why am I wasting time thinking about this? I'm sure we've all had these "thoughts" once in a while. It's hard to move past these ideas that feel relevant in the moment, but really, they just prevent us from moving forward. It's like we're digging and digging for answers, but we get nowhere. We don't break ground.



I like a different kind of thought. You know those moments when a thought crosses your mind and you are equally touched and surprised that you thought it at all? It's not really "the what" that even matters. It's the fact that we are catching these thoughts at all, that they are not clouded by distraction, by worry, or by anxiety. Think of stars. How often do we city-folk see a sky full of them?



Not nearly as often as if we were always staring at an unadulterated sky. Since I live in the city (and especially because I don't get the pleasure of spending most nights outside, staring up at the sky) I rarely get to see their multitude - or better yet, a shooting star. On the other hand, if I lived out in the wild, far from the lights and bustle of the city, I wouldn't have to wait for shooting stars. They would be all over the place.



I believe my thoughts are like stars. They are there, I just need to make some room to see them. I started thinking about making room for the positive, awakening thoughts when I was in Point Reyes last weekend, on my solo adventure. I stayed in a little cottage in Olema, just a few miles away from the park. When I first unlocked the door, my first thought was:



WOW. I could get used to this.



I'll just...unpack my things and...you know...



make myself at home...and NEVER leave please.



This was the property. I was in the little cottage on the left (not the red farmhouse). I think that one belongs to the owner, but I'm still not sure because I was completely isolated on this land and didn't see a person in sight the whole time I was there. I felt completely alone and completely fulfilled. Then came the thoughts...



How am I going to sleep at night with all of this silence? What if I get so lonely and I start going down dark paths in my head. Why this? Why that? Let's just say: thoughts didn't come easy at first. Another thing was weighing on me. I had to overcome a big fear to get through my weekend.



A simple hiking trail? you might ask. I've shared in this space before my fear of snakes. It's kind of a serious phobia. I've never hiked alone because of it (I've done the casual urban hike, but nothing in nature, in the wild, in the grasssssssss.) I usually ask my hiking buddy to walk in front of me to basically make sure the coast is clear (Thank You All, by the way, You know who You are). Anyway, as I embarked on my 7.5 mile hike on Saturday (by myself) I felt my fear and thought of snakes.



It's funny but did you know that once you face your fear you get over it pretty fast? I'm sure it's not always the case, but I sure got over it fast. I was there, on the trail, hiking through grasslands that most definitely were inhabited by at least one (or two) of my most loathed reptile. But as I hiked along, making progress on the trail, I got over it. I really did move on. That's not to say that I wouldn't have freaked out if I saw a snake (which I didn't by the way) but I realized that if I saw one I would be OK. I really would be OK. Because I wasn't here for the snakes. I here for this:



and this:



Once I stopped obsessing about my fear of seeing a snake, my mind became open and welcoming to other, more meaningful, thoughts. I was free of thoughts of fear and awake to thoughts of happiness. It's a simple thought, but not easy to access. I understand this. But just that one moment of openness gave a promise of more. The more and more it happens the surer I'll be of clarity. Or of the potential of it, at least!



Coming back to my cottage in the evenings, I felt happy to be quiet and thoughtful, as I reminisced about my special, fearless days.



As my journey was coming to a close, I remembered another thought: I have to go back to the city at some point. I have to go back to reality. In my mind reality was something to fear, something slithering behind the bushes. The snake in the nature of my life.

How did it come to be that thoughts like these came into my mind? Life is wonderful, a gift, a beauty. The fear is just a negative thought really. A why this and why that kinda thought. I'm thinking: if only I can push these negative thoughts away, I will then be able to walk without shaky legs through the grasslands of my days. I can push those thoughts away and invite those more surprising, delightful thoughts in. I can see the stars at night. And it's the city. So I know it's real.

***all pics taken in Point Reyes, California***

Sappho on the Edge of the World

Do you ever feel fragmented? Scattered? All over the place? It seems like lately I've been saying things like "I need to get my life in order" a little bit too much. But how many afternoons or evenings can be spent achieving such a lofty goal? Especially given all the distraction that gets in the way, it's hard to focus on this special "me" time. Do you find it's hard too?

This past weekend, I carved some time away to be by myself, alone with my thoughts so I could listen to what they said. What did my thoughts think of me? My dreams? My hopes? My needs? I know it sounds cheesy, but if you make space for thought, particularly "quiet" thought, you'll hear so much. I didn't hear everything, and I'm not completely enlightened (whoever is, please comment and tell me how ;). I'm not ready to share everything, but I will share one special moment. On the beach, in Point Reyes. With nothing but a setting sun and poetry.



If Not, Winter (Fragments of Sappho translated by Anne Carson) had been sitting on my shelf for years and I hadn't picked it up. I knew it would be the perfect reading material for my weekend. Lyric and grounding, Anne Carson was the answer.



These fragments jumped from the page and into the windy beach air.



I read and I listened.



When I listen sometimes I'm reminded of what's important.



The sun sets everyday.



I am so lucky to see it rise again. My solo weekend is still so close and comforting to me, I'm not yet ready to process it on the page. I'm still soaking it in, feeling this feeling a little longer.

If Not Winter

Make it be Spring! Off adventuring...

with this close in hand.

Miette

How is it that I've lived in San Francisco for almost 5 years and only just been to Miette for the first time? Well, it's not entirely true. I had popped into their Ferry Building location once or twice, but I'd never seen the Hayes Valley shop - perhaps what some might call the flagship store?



About a week and a half ago, I stumbled in with my Mom and Heather on our Mother/Daughter weekend. It was approaching Valentines Day and the place felt like one giant heart! Although I have a feeling this place is always this pink.



As it should be. This could seriously have been the most beautiful curated pastry shop I'd ever been to.



With treats that look this good, it's hard to decide whether I should eat them or just stare in awe.



Candy coming out of every nook and cranny!



Bowls of pink! When I was younger, my childhood room was pink. Everywhere. Pink walls, pink curtains, pink bedding. I want to say the carpet was pink, but I imagine my parents had to draw the line somewhere. At Miette the other day, we were all kids in a candy shop.



So beautiful and delightful. I have a sweet tooth for Miette!!!

What's your favorite sweet treat??

Carrot Cupcake Swirls

Three-day weekends are my favorite. With one extra day of blissful vacation, I feel even more motivated to wipe my schedule free of plans, thus creating a vast landscape of openness. Clearly, I've thought long and hard about this. When I heard that Omnivore Books was having another baking contest I grappled with my decision to participate. Saturday of Presidents Day Weekend: laze around or get straight to work in the kitchen? The latter, then the former, the latter, then the former. Remembering last year's fun, I went with the latter.

This year, instead of a cake contest, they hosted a cupcake contest. Everything I did, I did in a hurry, which called for Martha. Stewart (not Washington, although I'm sure everyone's minds went to our very first First Lady as it is President's Day). Martha Stewart is the ultimate go-to in times of rush and urgency. Now, where to find the culinary inspiration? A few weekends ago, when I was in Madison, Rachel's friends baked a delicious carrot cake that that we enjoyed over a game of Banana Grams. Carrot or banana, carrot or banana? In the end, I went with the Carrot. Cupcakes.



The recipe was super easy and it was my very first time truly decorating a cupcake! (if you want to know how to make, scroll down to the bottom).



Once the cupcakes were out of the oven, cooled, frosted and sprinkled with coconut, I didn't feel satisfied. Something was missing because they looked plain and not very Martha. Was it my messy frosting skills? Was it something Martha excluded from the recipe? Perhaps it was color? I decided these cupcakes needed some flair. Kind of a Downton bling?



There were a few leftover carrot shavings so I experimented with those. I rolled one into a tight swirl and pressed it into the top of my cupcake. The carrot swirl looked like a flower and the end had a kind of lacy, delicate je ne sais quoi as it extended out. In my mind, it was the perfect final touch - and might get me 1st place in the contest! I figured that Martha would be proud with my savvy decor-while-running-out-the-door.



After my success in the kitchen, it would take my success in the bookstore to determine how good these cupcakes really were. To be honest, though, I wasn't really in it to win it. If I had been, I would have sent out an invite weeks ago, inviting everyone I knew (the public votes, you see).



Even with the last minute notice, I did manage to bring in some sweet supporters, like my friend Mariana (pictured above). Anyway, win or no win, I was proud.



And, you guessed it, there was no win. But I'm happy I decided to "enter" the weekend with some sweet treats and the continuation of an ongoing tradition of participating in local baking contests that I don't stand the chance of winning. Interested in the winning cupcake? Captain Crunch cupcakes.

Anyway, my carrot swirls were a hit in my mind! Here's the recipe from Martha (with a few small asterisk indicated additions from the kitchen of Poem, Sweet Poem):

Carrot Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting

Ingredients
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons orange juice
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
• 1 1/2 cups shredded carrots ***(plus extra for swirls)***
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/4 cup shredded coconut, plus more for garnish
• 8 ounces bar cream cheese, room temperature
• 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Oil a standard 12-cup muffin tin or line with paper liners. In a bowl, combine sugar, vegetable oil, orange juice, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract, and eggs.
2. Stir in baking powder, baking soda, allspice, and salt. Add flour; mix. Stir in carrots, walnuts, and coconut.
3. Divide batter evenly among muffin cups. Bake until toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean, 25 minutes. Let cool completely before frosting.
4. Meanwhile, in a mixing bowl, combine cream cheese, confectioners' sugar, and remaining 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract. Whisk until smooth.
5. Frost cupcakes, and garnish with shredded coconut***and carrot swirls***.

Happy Baking!!! and to all the Martha's (Stewart and Washington), thank you!

Friendship "Sister" Bracelets

At the tail end of our Mother Daughter weekend, Heather and I made friendship bracelets. We didn't get too far along because we had dinner and a nutty finale of Downton to watch, but we dipped our toes in the process for as long as we could. It was raining outside which made staying inside with a project very cozy indeed.



Once I got the hang of it, I was immediately transported to little girlhood, when I made these at recess or on play-dates with friends. The hand motion took me right back.



Heather printed out the instructions and the very first step (numbering your strings as 1, 2, 3, and 4) reminded me of the amazing Feist song of the same name:



Not sure which colors are bolder: the ones on my couch or in the Feist video. Listen to the song here if you want a soundtrack while you read.



With dinner at Wo Hing General Store in our future, I had food on my mind. I told Heather that her bracelet "looked" like Joan's on Third.



And that mine "looked" like Outerlands.



Race to the finish.



Or, not really. We sisters are a lot of things, but competitive is not one of them.



It was fun getting crafty with Heather last Sunday night. By the time we were ready to move onto a new pattern, is was time for dinner (or we got distracted by episodes of Modern Family, I can't remember). We really only scratched the surface. Luckily, Heather left me with many colors of "floss" so I have a long Spring of friendship bracelets in my future.

Thanks, Heathie, for bringing this fun activity into our trip!